Reverse Mentoring: Who are you willing to learn from?

I remember the moment I realized I was old.

I was riding in the car with our Chinese exchange student talking about a Facebook post that I recently uploaded when all of a sudden, from the back seat, I hear Harry say,

“Facebook is for old people. No one young uses it.”

That was it. That was the moment I realized I was old and out of touch. I thought I was young! I mean, I was only 34 (at that time ahem ahem)!

But that moment started me on a journey of discovering and paying attention to the people around me. Asking them for their advice and feedback. Listening to their perspectives.

Putting down Facebook and picking up Instagram.

As I was scrolling on the internet, I came across a phrase in some articles called reverse mentoring. And I said, “That’s it.” That is what I was starting to do and needed to keep doing at a deeper level.

Leadership Requires Teachability

We've all heard about the importance of having mentors.

Especially in ministry, we're encouraged to find someone who has gone before us, someone older, wiser, seasoned in leadership and grounded in their faith.

And we should.

I've had mentors like that, and I am incredibly grateful for what they have poured into my life.

Scripture reminds us again and again of the value of wisdom and counsel.

Proverbs 15:22 says: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

But I think sometimes we make an assumption about where that counsel is supposed to come from.

We look up.

We look for the person with the bigger ministry, the longer résumé, the more impressive title, or the decades of experience.

But what if God wants to teach you through someone you aren't looking up to?

What if He wants to teach you through someone beside you? Or even someone you're leading?

That's where reverse mentoring comes in.

What Is Reverse Mentoring?

Reverse mentoring flips our traditional understanding of mentoring.

Instead of wisdom flowing only from the more experienced leader to the less experienced person, reverse mentoring recognizes that everyone brings something to the table.

Someone may have fewer years of leadership experience than you but understand culture in a way you don't.

Someone may be newer to your organization but see problems you've stopped noticing.

Someone may be younger than you but understand communication, technology, or emerging trends better than you do.

Someone may come from a completely different background and see your ministry, church, organization, or community through a lens you've never considered.

Their titles may be smaller. Their experience may be shorter.

Their perspective may still be exactly what you need.

The question is:

Are you humble enough to listen?

The Longer You Lead, the More Intentional You Must Be About Listening

Experience is a gift. But experience can also create blind spots.

The longer we lead, the more we know how things are “supposed” to work.

We know the systems. We know the traditions. We know what worked five years ago. We know what worked ten years ago.

And without realizing it, we can become so committed to what worked in the past that we stop noticing what God may be doing in the present.

That's why leaders need people around them who are willing to say: 

“Have you thought about this differently?”

“This process doesn't make sense from where I sit.”

“People don't communicate that way anymore.”

“What if we tried this?”

Those conversations aren't threats to your leadership.

They can be gifts to your leadership.

Ask Better Questions

Reverse mentoring begins with curiosity.

Find people who see the world differently than you do and ask them questions.

“What are you seeing?

“What are you hearing” 

“Where are people struggling to connect with us?”

What do you think we're doing well?

What frustrates you about how we communicate or lead?

If you were sitting in my chair, what would you change?

And perhaps the most important question:

“What am I not seeing?”

Don't Just Ask for Feedback: Invite People Into the Process

Reverse mentoring becomes especially powerful when it moves beyond occasional conversations.

Invite people into the process.

Before launching the new ministry initiative, ask them what they see. 

Before creating the communication strategy, let them look at it.

Before changing the service, program, event, or organizational structure, listen to people who will experience that change differently than you will.

And don't only ask them after everything has already been decided. Bring them into the room earlier. Give them permission to challenge assumptions. Let them help create. Let them speak.

And when they say something you don't expect, resist the temptation to immediately correct them.

You might discover that the person you thought you were developing is actually helping God develop you.

Great spiritual leaders don't just ask, “Who can I pour into?”

They are humble enough to ask, “Who can pour into me?”

If you want to see breakthrough in your leadership and ministry, start to incorporate reverse mentoring into your life and the lives of your team.

As leaders, we should never get to the place where we think we have nothing left to learn.

God can use the people around us (regardless of their age, title, or experience) to teach us, challenge us, and help us grow.

Let’s get reverse mentored and keep growing together.